Personally I think anyone who drinks single malt whiskey is not only ballsy but probably the kind of person you want to know more about and be able to reference if ever anyone questions the level of coolness a person can possibly attain. 

On the other hand, those that primarily drink cleaning fluid, sorry vodka, are a dime a dozen. Accounting for inflation I don’t see how it’s a respectable trait to be proud of. 

Bourbon, Scotch, Rye, anyway you look at it it’s hard not to respect someone who orders their whiskey neat. So when someone who just ordered a shot of strawberry muddled raspberry Stoli wrinkles their nose at the whiff of Johnny Walker (Blue Label clearly) you are about to partake in, you are more than welcome to paraphrase any of the following responses as a measure of educating them on the finer things in life.*

Woman to Man

“I think she skipped the powder room and headed out. Don’t worry, you probably weren’t the first this evening.”

“Have we met before? Oh yes, now I remember, don’t you? The movie theater last week. You were in line to see Sex And The City 2.” (If you want to rub it in you can mention how nice it is that he brought along his Aunt.)

“Did you see the report on how those kinds of drinks combat the use of Rogaine and cause bone deficiency? Don’t worry, Sally Field makes something for that. Or was it Ben & Jerry’s?”

“I take it you didn’t make any progress with your therapist today. Don’t worry, everyone’s got some kind of mommy issues.”

“Honey, that’s not how you get in touch with your feminine side. That’s how you encourage someone else to get in touch with your feminine side.”

Woman to Woman

No need to comment, simply join the boy’s club and let your magnetic allure speak for itself. No need to encourage competition. 

Man to Man

“I think they crossed your order with Joan Rivers over there.”

“How is AA treating you?”

“There is really no way of knowing how a women feels or why she broke it off, no matter how much you drink like them.”

“I bet she’s out right now doing the exact same thing you are.”

“You gonna be able to get home ok for the Bette Midler marathon on TCM?”

“Damn, did they run out of Bloody Mary mix or were you feeling adventurous tonight?” 

*The only exception is Man to Woman. Though it is generally acceptable that a woman partake in fruitified vodka, gentleman rather than sit idly by, take the opportunity to dazzle and charm said women. Introduce her to the wonderful world of whiskey and send her a Manhattan or a Whiskey Sour in it’s stead.